Nice entry, good to see you trying some new things. I judge hiphop the hardest, so brace yourself, and I will say, respectfully, the rap freestyling I think needs practice for sure. Often times people tend to repeat the same lines over when they lose the thought process, your rhyming could more evident, the first few lines didn’t rhyme, and then you started with some slant rhymes (near rhymes) but it could have been more consistent and varied.
I actually enjoyed your singing and how you switched from chest voice to falsetto, you weren’t scared to give breath to those notes and it produced a strong enough melody to compliment the song. One of the strong points in your rap verse was the direction and overall message of it and the positive energy. So keep it up. But definitely practice and work on the flow and rhythm and conviction (believability) which comes directly from passion and emotional control. Hope that helps